Complaining.
Aug. 31st, 2015 07:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lollypoxMy husband and I are going to lose the house, it seems. (We do have a Go Fund Me up, but I need to maintain anonymity here. If you want to help, comment and I'll send you a message with the link.)
And yet, he and I are doing that thing we always seem to do: Lean together to form an archway. In fact, at one point I said, "Well, you have me, at least. I'm not going anywhere." His response was to say, "Of course. That was never in question. You've been my anchor."
On the other hand, I feel somewhat at loose ends myself. And that's related to my other relationship. I realized that despite all the drama, my primary partner and I are getting along famously. We're leaning together instead of tearing each other apart. We're communicating, working together, and even though it all sucks really bad we're managing.
And we're figuring out how to carve out slivers of time for just us.
Which is why it's so glaring that my Lovelies can't seem to get it together or look for those little slices. Their lives are in flux, to be sure, though other than some (very) temporary setbacks, all of their changes are going to bring goodness and prosperity. One would think that they'd be weaving together in triumph, but it's more like they're both allowing the little annoyances to bubble to the surface now that the big scary issues are resolved.
She and I had a Date, and by that I don't mean "going out to lunch." (Though, we did go out to lunch.) She and I so rarely get those, and it was absolutely gorgeous. We wore each other out and then decided we were starving, so she found a BOGO coupon and we headed out to eat. As it happened, she needed my help with some logistical things that afternoon, so we worked out how that would happen since I did have to be at work by 5pm. I mentioned (again) with as much grace as I could muster that I'm always willing to help out, but that it's better to get all of the scheduling done in advance. As usual, I kind of got The Shrug.
The Shrug is the basic response I get when I express my frustration that my time is being taken for granted. And I started comparing my life this year to my life last year and discovered that last summer, they were really great about looking over the schedule, asking me about sitting in advance when they needed me, and working out when they'd like to have private time with me. So I know that they both *can* work this out, they just have not done so.
And it's not just me; they're not making each other a priority, either. They're not getting enough alone time, and it's wearing thin on both of them.
So he got bent out of shape over our luncheon, but couldn't really explain himself. Every time I've tried to get him to share his feelings with me, what comes out is that he's annoyed that he doesn't get enough play time. Not enough time with her, not enough time with me, not enough time with the kids, not enough time without the kids.
And, in fact, all of his issues and annoyances were directed at everything under the sun... except for me.
It was an awkward conversation when I finally had to be extremely blunt in saying, "But sweetie, there's a THIRD PERSON involved here." I have half a mind to self-publish a book called, "How to be a dick to your third" just to have it handy so I can smack people with it.
Because I've needed THEM often. I'm going through hell. They have no time for each other, for me, for their own needs, or anything.
They're the ones who have to make that time. They're the ones who need to face their tiny demons and say, "Who's a cute li'l fear demon? Is it you?" and then deal with their shit.
Augh.
So, after some outright whining and absolutely last-minute "please can you help with childcare in a couple of hours", they got a date. Then they got a good night's sleep. Then the next night we had my kind of a date.
I'm just a bit boggled that under the circumstances, I'm having significantly more drama with my OSOs than I am with my still-somewhat-incarcerated husband. (facepalm)
And yet, he and I are doing that thing we always seem to do: Lean together to form an archway. In fact, at one point I said, "Well, you have me, at least. I'm not going anywhere." His response was to say, "Of course. That was never in question. You've been my anchor."
On the other hand, I feel somewhat at loose ends myself. And that's related to my other relationship. I realized that despite all the drama, my primary partner and I are getting along famously. We're leaning together instead of tearing each other apart. We're communicating, working together, and even though it all sucks really bad we're managing.
And we're figuring out how to carve out slivers of time for just us.
Which is why it's so glaring that my Lovelies can't seem to get it together or look for those little slices. Their lives are in flux, to be sure, though other than some (very) temporary setbacks, all of their changes are going to bring goodness and prosperity. One would think that they'd be weaving together in triumph, but it's more like they're both allowing the little annoyances to bubble to the surface now that the big scary issues are resolved.
She and I had a Date, and by that I don't mean "going out to lunch." (Though, we did go out to lunch.) She and I so rarely get those, and it was absolutely gorgeous. We wore each other out and then decided we were starving, so she found a BOGO coupon and we headed out to eat. As it happened, she needed my help with some logistical things that afternoon, so we worked out how that would happen since I did have to be at work by 5pm. I mentioned (again) with as much grace as I could muster that I'm always willing to help out, but that it's better to get all of the scheduling done in advance. As usual, I kind of got The Shrug.
The Shrug is the basic response I get when I express my frustration that my time is being taken for granted. And I started comparing my life this year to my life last year and discovered that last summer, they were really great about looking over the schedule, asking me about sitting in advance when they needed me, and working out when they'd like to have private time with me. So I know that they both *can* work this out, they just have not done so.
And it's not just me; they're not making each other a priority, either. They're not getting enough alone time, and it's wearing thin on both of them.
So he got bent out of shape over our luncheon, but couldn't really explain himself. Every time I've tried to get him to share his feelings with me, what comes out is that he's annoyed that he doesn't get enough play time. Not enough time with her, not enough time with me, not enough time with the kids, not enough time without the kids.
And, in fact, all of his issues and annoyances were directed at everything under the sun... except for me.
It was an awkward conversation when I finally had to be extremely blunt in saying, "But sweetie, there's a THIRD PERSON involved here." I have half a mind to self-publish a book called, "How to be a dick to your third" just to have it handy so I can smack people with it.
Because I've needed THEM often. I'm going through hell. They have no time for each other, for me, for their own needs, or anything.
They're the ones who have to make that time. They're the ones who need to face their tiny demons and say, "Who's a cute li'l fear demon? Is it you?" and then deal with their shit.
Augh.
So, after some outright whining and absolutely last-minute "please can you help with childcare in a couple of hours", they got a date. Then they got a good night's sleep. Then the next night we had my kind of a date.
I'm just a bit boggled that under the circumstances, I'm having significantly more drama with my OSOs than I am with my still-somewhat-incarcerated husband. (facepalm)
