May. 12th, 2015

lollypox: (Angry goat)
Oh, me, oh, my. All names below have been changed to protect the participants.

Thing One:
So George and Gracie broke up.
In fact, it was messy and stupid and awful. George had some epic family drama dropped in his lap, and Gracie responded by saying something rude about his family. That didn't go well. The were all over the place, then he hit her with a Dear John note saying she had to move out.

I scrambled into action when this hit. They're both friends of mine, and I helped Gracie find a much better alternative to moving back home with her mom (in another state, to "help out with grandpa", shudder.) I'm still friends with George, too, of course.

But it seems that George and Gracie aren't so much "broken up" as "stretched farther apart" or something. I don't know what they're doing. I'm not sure that THEY know what they're doing. I do know that they're "seeing" each other sometimes, and other people, too, separately. I know that she hopes that once his family drama settles down and the two of them get their heads back on straight that they can join forces again. I'm pretty sure that he hopes that same thing.

But the rest of the circle of friends see her preying on him.
That's not what *I* am seeing, but for some reason they are all coming to me to find out what the hell is going on. My answer: ASK THEM. When they whine to me that she's manipulating him, I say, "Does he think so?"
When they ask me what their "Deal" is, I say, "You'll have to ask them."
"Didn't she move out? Didn't he throw her out? Aren't they broken up?"

Relationships take many forms. They evolve, change, and react to tragedy in different ways. Hell, most of my relationships didn't fit into the basic boxes; I don't have boyfriends so much as paramours, lovers, "um-friends", primaries, secondaries, and the like.
I've had girlfriends, though. They also get some of the above titles, and I've taken to referring to a Girlfriend to casual observers as my "best friend". (Because I don't do "best friend" either, in its usual context.)

I don't have a problem with George and Gracie taking some time to figure things out. I don't have a problem with them getting some distance, or closing the gap. So far it seems like both of them are playing at a level that they're both comfortable with. Theirs might be some kind of "on again, off again" romance, or something open ended that evolves with their needs.
I would have a problem with it if I saw one or the other taking advantage or being cruel.
I don't see that, so let them do what they will.

But wait, there's OTHER drama, too!
Bruce and Selena are having a time of it, too. They live about an hour and a half/two hours away. Bruce moved in with Selena several years ago. They were roommates, then they started sleeping together, and were in a romantic relationship.
Apparently, he's been dealing with some kind of issue. I'm not sure if he's depressed, or ill, or what the deal is, but he hasn't been himself. He basically holed up and ignored her for two years, and she got fed up with it and told him that they were through, and that she wanted him to move out.
Now all of a sudden, Bruce wants to fix things, and is trying to win her back. She's not having it. She is moving on, going on dates with other guys, and doing carefully arranged hook ups at big events. He seems to think that their situation is fixable.

Bigger sigh.

Bruce and I have been friends a very long time. I only got to know Selena recently, and that wasn't even through him so much as through a different mutual friend. My girlfriend, in fact. Selena is a good friend of hers, and they collaborate on big projects often. So it was on our girls' night out that I discover all this crap going on, and I asked her if he was depressed.
She didn't know, but he wasn't going to do anything about it either way.

I did let her know that if she needed help prying him out of there, I could gather a team and *help*.
So far she says she's dealing with it.

In the mean time, I'm seeking a place for him closer to where he works. As it happens I have a nest of family right in that area, and could probably snag him a place to stay that would only require that he take over the utility payments.

I'd like to help my friend.
On the other hand, I'm concerned that finding him a place of his own is going to wind up isolating him *more* which will NOT help. I worry that this story ends with, "Found several days later" or something similar.
I know how sometimes my "help" is not helping. I don't want to "Do for" people because while it helps in a crisis situation, it's not a long-term solution.

And in the mean time? The gossip is hot.
Other than this post venting my frustration, I'm keeping my mouth shut.


lollypox: (Default)

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